Wednesday, March 26, 2014

Crazy Divorce Stories!

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9 Divorce Stories Too Ridiculous To Make Up


COUPLE FIGHTING

There's nothing like divorce to bring out the crazy in people.

Need proof? Below, we've assembled some of the most ridiculous responses to a Reddit thread asking divorce lawyers to reveal the craziest demands and antics they've had to deal with. Read what they had to say -- and try not to weep too hard for the sad, sorry state of humanity.

1. "I had a couple arguing for three hours over who got the kids on Christmas day, only to discover at the end that they were both Jewish." -msc2436

2. "Our case fell apart over a massage chair. They had two kids, but they couldn't let go of the damn chair." -lawschoollorax
massage chair
(Image credit: Shin Taro via Getty Images)

3. "Took the couple two hours to decide who would get the groceries left in the fridge. Estimated value of the groceries was around $40. Two hours of my time, opposing counsel time, and mediator time added up to about $1,000. It all came down to a Costco/Sam's Club-sized jar of peanut butter. (Who keeps peanut butter in the fridge?!)" -ammjh

4. "I was in a mediation where it took the couple an hour and a half to split their personal property, retirement accounts, real property, and custody of their six-month-old son. The rest of the day, about four hours, was spent arguing about how to split the time with the dog. For the kid they just put, 'as agreed upon by the parties' but the dog had a strict calendered schedule working out holidays and strict pickup/drop-off times. I was ashamed to be a part of that unbelievable display." -FattyBinz
spoiled dog
(Image credit: Tim Kitchen via Getty Images)

5. "My dad was a divorce attorney for some time. He said people would argue over $150 patio furniture for hours on end at a $300/hour rate (each side). It's not about the patio furniture, it's about sending a message to your b*tch of an ex-husband/wife." -spaceflunky

6. "I had a case where the estranged wife was calling my client's employer repeatedly, accusing him of theft and other white-collar crimes, [in an attempt] to get my client fired. The thing is, the children were with her, and she was also demanding child support. Which is based on his income. For the job from which she was trying to get him fired. (Fortunately, the employer was onto her BS and my client wasn't let go.)" -JournalofFailure

7."Marriage proposal from wife's new boyfriend while he was being questioned during her divorce proceedings. Classy." -KnowsTheLaw
ring
(via Fuse via Getty Images)

8. "I dated a divorce lawyer and my favorite story from his work was the man who was super pissed that the division of assets was 50/50 and that his wife's lawyer had a forensic accountant who found his multiple offshore money stashes. In retaliation, he demanded half the dog. Not joint custody. Half of the dog, who was his wife's much beloved, very spoiled little buddy. He burned through thousands of dollars of legal fees just to make her cry, by demanding that the dog be put to sleep and its ashes split, 50/50. People are delightful!" -TheNightWitch

9. "I had a client completely sandpaper/key the finish off a brand new Maserati that was given to the wife pursuant to settlement agreement because he hated his ex so much. He also took off the tires. I also had a guy who funneled money over to his girlfriend, thinking he was slick hiding it from his wife. Girlfriend broke up with him and kept it." -RuskayaPrincesa

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Article source: Huffingtonpost.com

Tuesday, February 4, 2014

7 Steps To Choosing The Right Divorce Lawyer

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It's difficult to know where to turn when you're faced with divorce. Few of us have any prior experience with the legal ins and outs associated with this difficult process. In my divorce coach practice, I've heard too many stories of time and money wasted as clients go through lawyer after lawyer trying to find the right one. And yet, finding the right divorce lawyer is key to what could be a faster, less-expensive divorce, compared to a long, drawn-out emotional and financial nightmare. But if you don't know what to look for in a divorce lawyer, how do you know you're investing all of your money, hopes and dreams in the right one?

Follow these seven steps to find the divorce attorney that's the right fit for you:

1. Be realistic.
First, you need to realize that divorce is a legal process with the sole purpose of dissolving your assets and resolving custody issues. Your divorce attorney's job is to represent you to the best of his or her ability in this process. While you might want them to listen to your anger, frustration, pain and sadness, that is not their job. They are not trained to be your therapist or coach, and they don't want to be. Since your attorney has higher rates and the clock is always running, it's a gross misuse of your money if this is how you're using them. And divorce attorneys have seen it all. What seems immensely important to you might barely register for them within the scope of the legal process. So be realistic about the role of your divorce attorney, and what you can expect from them.

2. Stay focused on the goal.
Your ultimate goal in this process is to get divorced, and hopefully you can do so without any major depreciation of your lifestyle. Don't let your emotions jump in and run rampant when it comes to negotiating over material things that don't mean much to you in the big picture. If you do, your divorce will be longer, more litigious, and definitely more expensive than otherwise. Is it worth it? No. So keep your focus on getting divorced as quickly, and with as little financial damage, as possible. Ask yourself, what kind of divorce will do that for me?

3. Know what you want.
Before you rush out to hire a divorce attorney, consider other alternatives to traditional litigation. If you aren't completely entangled with children and finances, you could hire a mediator to help you negotiate the terms of your divorce. Mediation is the fastest, cheapest way to get divorced, and you might not need to hire an attorney at all! If your negotiation is more complicated, you'll have to hire a divorce lawyer to negotiate a settlement with your spouse's attorney. Or you could consider a collaborative divorce. A collaborative divorce is focused on negotiation with the goal of preserving a co-parenting relationship. Your last resort is a litigated trial. Typically, these are the cases when neither side will compromise. So you need to determine what type of divorce attorney you need based on your unique circumstances. Realize that any divorce attorney you talk to will try to steer you in the direction of their own specific expertise. It's up to you to know what you want first, so you can make the right choice.

4. Identify at least three potential attorneys.
Don't jump to hire the first lawyer you meet. They are not all the same. Find at least three divorce attorneys that you can interview before making your decision. Clearly, you need to hire a lawyer that specializes in family law and one that's experienced in the specific type of divorce you think is best for you. The ideal attorney has the legal knowledge and experience you need, helps you understand the process, communicates and negotiates well, solves problems creatively and is experienced in your specific court system. So you need one that's local to you. Regardless of whether or not your divorce is headed to trial, your attorney needs to be experienced with the family law judges in your jurisdiction so that he or she can advise you appropriately on legal strategy. How do you find potential attorneys? Ask you friends for personal recommendations. Ask your trust or estate lawyer for divorce attorney recommendations. Go online to the numerous websites that provide client reviews of attorneys local to you.

5. Interview and research potential attorneys.
Start with an initial phone call. Ask them about their experience and specialization within family law. Ask them about what type of client they typically represent. Ask them about their rates. Most divorce lawyers charge an hourly fee and require a retainer -- a fee charged in advance. Some lawyers will also negotiate fees based on anticipated settlements. Don't waste your time (or theirs) on a meeting if they're out of your cost range. Most divorce attorneys provide a free consult to discuss your specific situation and what their legal approach would be. So take advantage of it to gather as much legal advice as possible! Typically, the attorney you meet with will not be handling the day-to-day issues related to your case, so ask to meet the colleague or associate that would. The divorce process can also include financial experts, parenting coordinators, coach facilitators, and forensic appraisers. Find out your attorney's access to these resources and if any would be relevant to your case, as it will affect overall cost. And even if you have no intention of heading to trial, look at the attorney's trial record and history of success in court. This track record is an indicator of your attorney's success in negotiation.

6. Look for red flags.
Unfortunately, many attorneys will tell you what you want to hear just to close the deal. While this is your life, it's a business for them. There are no guarantees in this process, so if an attorney is making promises, don't believe it. If an attorney talks about high-profile clients or divulges confidential information based on other cases, it's highly likely they'll do the same to you. If they aren't respectful of other divorce attorneys you're interviewing, it's a sign that they won't be to you either. And if during your consult, they're constantly distracted by phone calls and emails and can't focus their sole attention on you, they likely won't during your divorce case. Make sure the lawyer you choose acts according to the professional ethics of the industry and treats you with the respect and attention you deserve. This might be their business, but it's your life.

7. Make your choice.
The divorce attorney you choose to represent you is local, professional, knowledgeable, responsive and communicates well. This attorney is someone you trust and feel comfortable with. This attorney supports your basic philosophy toward divorce and has a style that works for you. This attorney recognizes the importance of your children and puts them first in the legal process by not making unreasonable child support demands or custody arrangements. This attorney is affordable. Divorce is a highly personal and emotional process, the outcome of which can have a significant impact on your life. This is an important decision, and there are no guarantees in this process. However, if you follow these steps, you'll find the right one -- the one who listens to what you want, advises you well and has your best interest at heart.

To order my book Divorce Hell, please click HERE
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Article source: huffingtonpost.com

Friday, January 31, 2014

How to Deal With Your Ex at Your Children's Special Events


Hi Everyone!  Thank you for reading my blog!  Did you know that I'm the author of not just one, but thirteen books?  For more information, please visit www.charlesirion.com, www.irionbooks.com and/or www.summitmurdermystery.com

2013-09-04-MovingForwardThroughDivorce.jpg

Does the very thought of seeing your ex at your child's special events make you so angry you'd rather make an appearance at traffic court?

Birthdays, sporting events, school conferences, getting your child situated in their college dorm, weddings...regardless of how long you have been separated or divorced, each of these special events can cause you to experience wide swings of emotions that can feel overpowering. Feelings of anger, anxiety, frustration and resentment can eat away at you emotionally before, during and after the special event takes place.

I remember when my oldest daughter graduated from college. Since my ex had parenting time with our young son that weekend, he drove with our son to the college several hours away and I drove with our other daughter. When my daughter and I arrived at the older daughter's college residence, I was surprised to discover that my former brother-in-law who I had once been very close to had shown up from another state and was sitting on the front porch with my ex. Since he had quit speaking to me early on during the divorce, the pain and anger I felt came to the surface.

Biting the insides of my cheeks to keep my emotions in check, I spent the time before the graduation ceremony in another part of the house and then ended up sitting at the graduation with my daughter's roommate's mom and her relatives -- on the opposite side from where my ex, son, other daughter and former brother-in-law were all sitting together.

How can you deal with your ex at your child's next special event?

Here are a few things to keep in mind:

Think of your Ex as a Very Difficult Business Associate -- You know, the one who steals the limelight for your hard work, waits till the very last minute to tell you something important and who forms secret alliances in the men's room to report every small mistake you make to the people in power. As much as you would like to smack him with a stapler to make a point, you choose not to because business is business!

Insist on Respectful and Civil Communication -- If you and your ex had to deal with each other about a business matter, you would need to find ways to communicate clearly and get your critical points across in a well-defined and civil manner, avoiding emotional confrontations. By thinking about what potential hot-spots you may encounter and deciding ahead of time what specific actions you will immediately take when your ex tramples over your boundaries, you'll find it easier to focus on your child and less on worrying that an argument will erupt.

Remember that your Personal Life Belongs to You -- Now that the ties of marriage have been broken, it's up to you to claim and insist on the right to your privacy. Remember that you no longer need to explain things to your ex, defend your decisions or try to change his mind -- those days are over! Consistently enforce the rules of engagement that all communication with your ex needs to be related to your children's specific needs or necessary financial transactions so that anything else your ex brings up is off-limits and merits an immediate time-out.

Cut Off the Oxygen Flow from Everyone Else's Opinions -- It's very common to share your anger and frustrations with relatives and friends during the nerve-fraying times of stress that come along with separation and divorce. However, once the divorce is over, many of these same people will continue to offer their advice and opinions about your ex's actions and behaviors. Although these may be tempting to listen to, opinions and advice from relatives and friends keeps adding more fuel to the firestorm of emotions you have previously experienced.

Resist the Urge to Find out More about your Ex's Current Life -- Encourage your relatives and children not to share any more details than you truly need to know. Less really is more, and you will be better off in the long run for it.

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Article source: huffingtonpost.com

Wednesday, January 29, 2014

Crazy Divorce Story!

Hi Everyone!  Thank you for reading my blog!  Did you know that I'm the author of not just one, but thirteen books?  For more information, please visit www.charlesirion.com, www.irionbooks.com and/or www.summitmurdermystery.com 

 

Man With 69 Kids And 12 Wives Is Dragged To Divorce Court ('Wonder Why?' Said No One)

A Zimbabwaen businessman with 69 kids may have one less thing to juggle soon -- one of his 12 wives has asked for a divorce.

Sixty-one-year old Peter Remi Gore was taken to divorce court in Zimbabwe by wife Sethekele Gore, the mother of seven of his children, reported myzimbabwe.co.zw.

According to the report, Gore begged the court for a divorce, saying, "I am no longer interested in the relationship despite Peter's vast wealth which he claims to be pampering me with. All I want is peace in my life." She also asked for $1,150 in monthly child support.

This is only one of many unusual divorce stories we've heard. In 2012, a man in southern Israel divorced his wife after she brought home 550 cats, and later that year, a woman in Nigeria divorced her husband after six years of marriage because he talked too much.

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Article source: huffingtonpost.com

Wednesday, January 15, 2014

Woman Sues Lawyers for Letting Her Divorce Hubby

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Solicitors should have respected her Catholic faith, she says


       
So, divorce means the end of marriage? A British woman was apparently shocked to hear about this, the Independent reports. Jane Mulcahy even filed suit against her former lawyers for failing to explain the whole divorce thing. Mulcahy said they should have respected her Catholic faith and advised her to seek judicial separation, which is a notch down from full divorce. "The most striking of Mrs. Mulcahy's many allegations of negligence against her solicitors," noted the appeal judge, was that their advice failed to mesh with "her firmly held belief in the sanctity of marriage." 

In Mulcahy's view, the lawyers were responsible for "bringing about the final termination of her marriage, which she wished to avoid." Mulcahy's appeal in the case was struck down, but another unusual divorce case is still underway, the Daily Mail reports. A Kuwaiti woman said it all started when she saw her husband eat peas with bread instead of a fork. So she filed for divorce, saying she could no longer live with the man after witnessing the "shocking sight" of his poor etiquette.

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Article source: www.newser.com

Wednesday, January 8, 2014

In Defense of Love: Believing in Marriage in Divorce Culture

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Great article worth sharing 
Love




By: Grace Carpenter, University of Virginia 

I went to New York City for a few pre-Christmas escapades last week and what I saw shocked me. Not because it was horrifyingly crowded with stiletto-clad fur coats stalking through the streets. Not because the entire city was mobbed with pushy window-shoppers who will literally shove you into a bus just to get to Macy's before the stalking stilettos behind them. Not because the electric bill for Times Square at Christmas could feed an entire third-world country for a month. No, I was shocked because I saw, for one of the first times, real love.

One day this semester, my professor asked us to describe what love is. After a few fairly vague answers, someone raised a hand and voiced an opinion that struck me: "Am I the only one here who thinks that love and marriage don't have anything to do with each other?"

I was floored, and then I realized that I'd been unknowingly nurturing the same opinion since the seventh grade.

I realized that the state of marriage in this country is looking more and more like the New York Yankees -- overly commercialized, drenched in scandal, mostly unsuccessful, and hated by everyone who's not obligated to pretend to like it. And I'm not talking about homosexual/heterosexual marriages separately. I'm talking about marriage as a whole, as an ideal that has been corrupted and contaminated until sometimes it resembles a floppy mockery devoid of meaning, as opposed to a noble tradition in which two people weld their lives because they love each other. In a world in which most marriages dissolve into a series of legal battles and emotionally wounded children, love and marriage really don't seem to have anything to do with one another.

But in the midst of New York City -- the city that never sleeps, the city of romance and riots, beauty and bars, carriages and clubs alike -- from among the throngs of street vendors and stilettos, I saw visible love.

It was in a tea shop on Seventh and 26th, where my companion and I were grabbing a drink just before our bus home. As we sat down, we looked over to our right to see an aged couple, the sight of which almost brought me to tears: the husband, who was in a wheelchair, was physically unable to properly eat his food so his wife, sitting close at his side, was alternately feeding him, and gently wiping his mouth, chin and fingers with a napkin as he ate. The sight itself was pleasant enough, but this was not what struck me. Even as she fed her aged ailing husband, she was smiling quietly the entire time.

I looked closer, and saw the tiny details I will never forget -- the way she looked at him, as adoringly as if he were a strong, young man; the way her hand never left his shoulder, patting his arm comfortingly and massaging his back; the way she dutifully steered his wheelchair clear of danger and smiled at the passerby who adjusted accordingly. She still loved him! Even in his age, infirmity and disability, she loved him and nursed him with a smile on her lips and her hand on his shoulder. It was one of the single most beautiful, most inspiring things I have ever seen.

After the couple departed, I started wondering: Why did they have such a powerful effect? After all, people should be used to seeing couples in love, right? We should be used to seeing married couples support one another, right?

But we're not. Somehow, we rarely see even aging couples who look happy with each other. Instead, we hear heartbreaking divorce stories from our closest friends, and watch divorce reality television, and hear more about wedding costs than success rates. Somehow, the state of marriage has devolved from a loving institution to a series of rhinestone-smothered weddings and a collections tin benefiting whom? No one except law firms and, I guess, dating sites for divorcees. And we're supposed to believe that love and marriage are at all related?

I remember recently asking the question, "Is it possible to be happy and married?"

I suppose I'd heard too many ugly complaints about nagging wives and neglectful husbands. And sometimes, I still wonder if those complaints really do characterize marriage as it currently exists. But sometimes, we find a gem to counter-balance the publicized horror stories. Sometimes, we find something in defense of love -- the sort of love that lasts a lifetime, that makes a woman smile as she nurses her struggling husband -- and we can remember that even though hook-up culture is enticing, it's not everything.

Though the childhood fairytales might have been beaten out of us, and we are no longer naive enough to believe in perfect relationships, we can still hope for a love that will take care of us when we can no longer take care of ourselves. Because it does exist -- you just have to know what it looks like, and be able to see it when it does.

To order my book Divorce Hell, please click HERE
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Article resource: huffingtonpost.com

Thursday, December 12, 2013

Divorced? You Can Survive and Thrive During the Holidays!

Hi Everyone!  Thank you for reading my blog!  Did you know that I'm the author of not just one, but thirteen books?  For more information, please visit www.charlesirion.com, www.irionbooks.com and/or www.summitmurdermystery.com


Speaking from personal experience, I don't think this accurately describes the dissolution of a marriage. While the marriage itself may officially dissolve when a divorce is final, the ripple effect from the wreckage of the relationship continues to make waves for years to come. Especially, around the holidays. Especially, when there are children involved.

When we first sail out into the sunset with our betrothed, we fantasize about what the future holds. Visions of our ideal life dance through our heads:

A home filled with children, their toys and their art,
Family dinners and trips that will stay in our hearts
And the holidays, filled with expectations so high
With menorahs or Santa, traditions money can't buy.

Then, somehow our love boat hits rough waters resulting in divorce, and the relationship sinks along with our sugar plum dreams. Our happily ever after story changes course into a new and undiscovered land, and we learn how to reinvent our lives, one step at a time, to what will become our new normal.

While the new normal may ultimately be better for everyone, we often only hear the bad, the worse, and the ugly when it comes to divorce stories. Tales of revenge and children being used as weapons to inflict harm against a former spouse put them in the middle of the battle. Though they shouldn't be anywhere near the divorce arena, they all too frequently end up there, feeling pulled in both directions, torn by the fear of disappointing either parent. This can be especially true during the holiday season.

The best gift we can give our children is to provide them with a sense of love and stability throughout the year, and to keep in mind that during the holidays it can be a bit more challenging, not only for us as parents, but also for them.

Below are some comments, questions and answers relevant to handling the holidays as divorced parents (all based on the assumption that a child's safety is not at risk):

Q: I'm in the process of a divorce and with the holidays approaching I'm not sure what to do. How do we divide up these special family days?
A: 1. Make sure that every decision is with the intention of doing what is best for your children. No matter how upset you are at your ex, your children's sense of security must come first.
2. Put your differences aside and communicate with your ex. Be (literally) on the same page as your ex.
3. Have a schedule in writing. Make sure it's very specific as to whom the children will be with and when.
4. Tips for making a schedule:
a) Be Specific. State exactly the day and time children are to be picked up and returned, and by whom.
b) Alternate Holidays. Some families alternate years, and some alternate within the same year.
c) Divide up the Holiday. Thanksgiving lunch with dad, and dinner with mom. Or, make a turkey the week before. Who says you can only have turkey on that Thursday?! Christmas and Christmas Eve can be split, and Chanukah has 8 days. On the positive side, the kids get to celebrate more!
d) Share Holidays. Some parents are able to be together in the same room to cut the turkey, sing carols, or light the candles. But, it also may confuse or sadden the children so talking with the children and consulting a professional could be helpful.

Q: My parents divorced after I left for college. I looked forward to celebrating Thanksgiving at my aunt's house, and then my dad said he wanted us to come celebrate with him. We compromised by sharing the day but I think he felt disappointed that we didn't change our tradition.
A: We tend to forget that even older children need to keep some old traditions. Pick a different holiday to spend with Dad. There are great opportunities hiding in what we think of as problems.

Q: Does keeping traditions make it harder on the kids? It's not the same as it was, and trying to reenact the ritual is just a big reminder that things have changed.
A: It's important to balance old traditions that provide familiarity and comfort to all, while creating new ones to assist the family in moving forward. This makes it easier to transition into the new situation.

Q:
I'm going to be without my kids for the first time over the holidays. I'm already dreading it!
A: When we dread something, it will likely be dreadful. Change how you look at it. Challenge yourself to see this as an opportunity for you to have some rest and relaxation.
Second, giving is the spirit of the holidays. Consider volunteering at a soup kitchen, or bringing gifts to children who are stuck in the hospital over the holidays. This is also a quick way to feel grateful for what you have.

Q: This is my first Christmas as a divorced dad. My kids are coming to my place for dinner and I have no idea what to do. I'm afraid I'll disappoint my kids. What should I do?
A: Take a deep breath and remember your children love you unconditionally, and you have options!
1. If you're too afraid to cook, tell them you want to give them a special treat by going out for dinner.
2. If you're willing to take a stab at that ham or turkey, the Internet is your friend, providing a plethora of recipes.
3. Make it a family project. Get the kids involved and cook together in the kitchen. Make it fun and create new memories!

While I like to always focus on the positive, here are a few do's and don'ts that are helpful for the holidays, and all year round:
Don't make kids feel they have to choose sides.
Don't tell them how awful their other parent is.
Don't try to buy their love.
Don't use them as pawns on your chessboard of divorce.
Don't make them feel responsible for your happiness.

Do teach them that attitude is everything.
Do teach them they have a choice in how they respond to situations.
Do show them that they're loved unconditionally.
Do create a loving, secure environment.
Do show them it's possible to stand up for yourself and still compromise.

Holiday time carries with it certain expectations. Some of these we put on ourselves, and others are imposed upon us by society. Try to focus on what is best for you and your family and tune out the rest of the noise. Let it be a time to be grateful for what we have. When we focus on all that is good in our lives it helps to brighten the dark shadows cast by the difficulties we face. Children will follow your lead, so always take the high road. Onward and upward! Happy Holidays!

To order my book Divorce Hell, please click HERE
For more information about Divorce Hell, please click HERE
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Article source:  Huffington Post