Steps for a Happy Marriage, Money-Wise

Newlyweds and couples moving toward marriage, take note: Love, as it turns out, is not all you need. Failing to do so can lead to serious trouble.

"Mature, responsible conversations about money are a sign of a marriage that's going to be healthy and wonderful and enduring," says Brooke Salvini, a certified financial planner based in San Louis Obispo, Calif. "If you can't talk about money when you are dating, that is a red flag right there."

To get the conversation rolling, here are seven steps experts recommend to steer clear of potential marital money troubles:

1. DISCLOSE FINANCIAL RECORDS

Before corporations merge, both sides get a close look at each others financial records. Take the same approach before you get hitched.  Swap statements for your bank accounts, credit cards, student loans, retirement accounts and so on. Also share credit reports and FICO scores.

"Not only can you start to put together a balance sheet of what the two of you own and what your debts are, you can start to discuss 'do we want to combine our checking account?'" says Salvini.

2. DISCUSS FINANCIAL GOALS

A huge part of getting in sync with your spouse begins with discussing major life goals and the necessary financial commitments.  Discuss short-term goals, such as paying off credit card debt or buying a car, and longer-term goals such as buying a house, then craft a budget that sets you clearly on a path toward your goals.

3. BUDGET YOUR SPENDING

Failing to create and stick to a mutually agreed budget can lead to marital strife.  It doesn't have to be complicated. Start by listing monthly income. Be sure to add in interest earned on money-market accounts and dividends from any investments. Then add up expenses, from car payments and rent to groceries, gym membership and utilities.  If you're making more than you spend each month, you can begin planning how to set aside money for an emergency fund, and for long-term financial goals.

If you are spending more than you earn, it's time to consider ways to cut spending.

4. TREAT YOUR MONEY AS OUR MONEY

Many newlyweds see the money they earn individually as their own, much as if they might merely be roommates. They keep separate bank accounts and pitch in, perhaps equally, or not, to pay bills.

But that can lead to problems, especially if one spouse earns a lot more than the other, says Anthony Chambers, a clinical psychologist at the Family Institute at Northwestern University.  If both spouses work, he suggests they arrange for their paychecks to be deposited directly into a joint account used to pay all shared expenses. If they feel they need to have some of their own money in a separate account, that's fine. But Chambers says that money should come from the joint account, so both spouses know where the household's money is going.

5. KEEP CREDIT CARDS SEPARATE

It's not necessary to make your spouse a joint account holder on your credit cards, especially if he or she has a poor credit history, which can drag down your own credit rating. Instead, make your spouse an authorized user of your credit cards. This will avoid any potential impact to your credit rating. Authorized users are also able to check account balances and track spending on the card.

6. DON'T SPLIT COSTS 50-50

In marriage as in most other scenarios, money is power. Although splitting household costs down the middle may work early in a relationship, it can breed resentment in a marriage when one spouse makes a lot more money than the other. It also can foster a sense that the person who pays more should have more say in financial matters.

"Very few things in marriage are exactly 50-50," says Chambers. "And that can really start to bring up all of these other issues of fairness."  Even if costs aren't split down the middle, it's important that each spouse have equal say in money decisions.

7. TALK ABOUT SPENDING

Even after you've reviewed all the financial paperwork, it's even more important to find out how your spending habits match up.  Often those habits are developed early and are entrenched. One person might have grown up in a family that counted every penny. Another might part far more easily with money because shopping became a hobby.  Beyond how much someone likes to spend, there are potential conflicts over what we see as a must-have.  Even small differences can become wedge issues.

"The central task of marriage is the management of differences," says Chambers. "So you want to be able to know early on what those differences are."

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*Article source: USA Today

3 Top Tips To Get Your Marriage Back On Track

An interesting article with 3 tips for how to get your marriage back on track.







All marriages go through their ups and downs. Unfortunately, when the rough periods outweigh the happy times the marriage can quickly become unbearable.  As a result you might end up feeling stuck in your marriage but are paralyzed by fear and anxiety over what to do.  But doing nothing is the worst thing you can do.  You need to take positive action to remedy the problems and get your marriage back on track

In this article I will be discussing 3 key elements which will help you to get your marriage back on the straight and narrow.

1. Improve communication in your marriage.

You need to identify your marriage issues and pinpoint the areas of conflicts.   If it helps, write them all down on a piece of paper first and then go through them with your spouse.  You both need to have a frank and honest discussion about what upsets you in the marriage.

This should be a positive discussion, so don’t start throwing accusations at each other.  Talking with anger and resentment will sabotage your efforts and stifle your progress.  Start splitting the issues into small pieces and tackle them one at a time. No subject should be out of bounds: sensitive topics like money, sex, housework, or disciplining the kids are often at the forefront of many couple’s marital problems.

Once you have pinpointed the problems, you need to set the ground rules and create an active plan of action on how you are going to reduce the conflict in your marriage, manage your problems and set the tone for a much more peaceful life together.

2) Kill the tension

Stop holding grudges.  Once you’ve tackled the problem areas and decided on a plan of action you need to take the gloves off and start working on making the marriage better.   This often means letting go of your negative feelings and learning how to be more positive towards your partner.

Constant tension in a marriage creates an unhealthy atmosphere full of hostility, resentment and bitterness which tears a couple apart.  It might mean that you both need to forgive each other for things done in the past, but removing the tension will dramatically improve your marriage and will give you a much better chance to be happy again.

3) Make time for your couple
Sometimes, with a hectic schedule of work and childcare, the couple’s basic needs can become too easily forgotten.  If you are both busy with your careers during the week and then try to cram everything else at week-ends, it leaves you no time to nurture your relationship with your spouse.
In a healthy relationship, couples take time to show affection to each other and express their love for one another.

To help you grow together as a couple, you should try and make a date night at least once a week.   This is a time to enjoy each other’s company, reconnect with your partner and satisfy your needs for sexual intimacy.

Conclusion: Marriage is about giving and taking.  To get your marriage back on track requires efforts and commitments from both spouses.  You need to take care of your couple and make time to nurture your relationship with your spouse.

Ultimately to move into a new happier future together you need to make your marriage your top priority.

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Source: howtosavemarriagenow.com

We need your help!

Irion Books needs you!  We are looking for individuals that want to help contribute to the update we will be doing to the book Divorce Hell.  The book Divorce Hell is Charles Irion’s cautionary tale about the wild ride of divorce, together with his advice on how to get off the marriage-divorce-marriage merry-go-round. The book contains a history of odd divorce rituals, Irion’s descriptions of his own divorces, other people’s horror stories, lurid celebrity break-ups, offbeat prenuptial agreements, all topped off by Irion’s Salvation Guide to jump start your efforts to avoid divorce and achieve a strong marriage.

How can you help?  We are looking for anyone that can share their own horror stories, or marriage and/or divorce advice they would give someone going through the same situation they themselves experienced.  If we print your story, you can choose to either remain anonymous in the book, or we would love to print your name as contributor.

If you think you have the story or advice we're looking for, please email Jennifer at Jennifer@IrionBooks.com

Wealthy Couples Drawn to New Divorce Arbitration

An increasing number of wealthy couples are turning to new arbitration schemes to settle divorces rather than squabbling in public through the courts.

It is claimed that arbitration – frequently used in commercial and civil disputes – is being increasingly used to handle financial disputes arising from divorce.

Lawyers say the scheme is likely to attract “super-rich” couples bickering over “big money” divorce settlements who want negotiations carried out discreetly.

It is also understood the be a popular avenue in disputes about ownership of property between cohabiting couples and civil partners and so-called “schedule one claims” – maintenance orders relating to a child born to parents who have never married.

Some 40 lawyers have already trained to be arbitrators for the service launched by the Institute of Family Law Arbitrators, and there is a waiting list of lawyers wanting the training.

Marilyn Stowe, senior partner at Stowe Family Law, told the Financial Times that she thought the scheme would be attractive to two groups of people.

“Those who are in big money cases who can circumvent the waiting period in the courts and also are prepared to pay the fees of the arbitrator to have the benefit of privacy.”
She added the second group could include litigants who might want an arbitrator to decide the case or a specific point.

“Arbitration is tailored to the couple and we do not have to go through the entire process which we do in court. If you do not need a hearing, the arbitrator can decide something on paper. It’s more informal and quicker,“ she said.

James Pirrie of Family Law in Partnership, a team of specialist family lawyers, said he envisaged a big take-up for arbitration cases.

He said: “Court queues are growing – meaning longer delays and more costs for those going to court. That increases the pressures on judges, who have bigger caseloads to manage and less time for each case and there are inevitable stories of bad outcomes.”

“That means that appeals are likely, leading to an even longer process and a greater likelihood of loss of privacy as the media become involved.”

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*article from The Telegraph

Explaining Divorce to Children

You have made the tough decision to end your marriage. Now you face the challenging task of explaining this decision to your children. What do you say? How do you begin? When should you tell them? These are all valid questions and they deserve careful consideration.

How you proceed will likely be influenced by your child's age. The care you take to explain divorce will ultimately help to ease the stress of divorce that many children face.

Explaining divorce to children at any age is difficult. However, younger children almost always react with feelings of confusion and fright as they face the loss of familiarity, predictability, and ultimately their sense of safety and security. Addressing these insecurities appropriately involves these critical steps:

• Do not keep the situation a secret or spring your divorce on your children at the last minute;
• Parents should break the news together so that children hear the same thing from both parents;
• Explain the basic logistics of their new situation (where they will sleep, who picks them up from school, when the changes will take place, etc.);
• Assure them that you both will make sure everything is fine for them;
• Keep your explanations simple and age appropriate;
• Reassure your children that they are not to blame; and
• Be sure to tell them that you both still love them unconditionally.

Your children will need your support more than ever as they deal with the breakup. It is an emotional process that will not be easy for anyone. Let them know that being upset or sad is expected, and that those feelings are okay.

Maintaining your role as a strong, supportive parent may be challenging during this period. Avoid the temptation to vent to your children about your ex-spouse or to lean on them for your own emotional support. Burdening children with these adult realities is unfair and likely to damage their long-term well being.

As parents, you need to use every resource at your disposal to minimize the negative impact divorce can have on your children. Looking to friends and family for support and seeking counseling for yourself and your children are great ways to help deal with the emotional situation.  Don't be afraid to join a support group, talking with others going through similar circumstances can be very helpful and reassuring.

To handle the legal aspects of your divorce, the guidance of a trusted family law attorney or mediator is critical. Putting in place the proper legal resources will help you best prepare for the divorce process, which in turn allows you more time to focus on being attentive to your family's needs during this difficult time.

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*article from sacbee.com

New Website Connects Professional Divorce Research Providers

LifeThruDivorce.com to feature attorneys, therapists, mediators, financial professionals, realtors and more providing insight, support and guidance for divorcing couples and children. Website will be the empathetic, informative guide for everything divorce.

LifeThruDivorce is the premier, interactive Community of support and guidance for parents and children living through divorce.

Our desire was to create a ‘community’ and ‘movement’ where everyone can share feelings, stories, and positive influences and find dedicated professionals to shed light on and guide families through all stages of the JourneyThruDivorce.

When a family goes through a divorce, everyone’s world is turned upside down. Adults and children face a host of unfamiliar situations, including:

•     Ineffective negotiations on child custody, marital assets, etc.;
•     Transitions to separate households and juggling the work-life balance;
•     Increased stress and the consequential emotional / physical issues;
•     Uncertainty about investments and wealth after the split.

Some situations require professional assistance but finding the right people and resources only adds to the challenges.

A new website, LifeThruDivorce (http://www.LifeThruDivorce.com), provides insight and resources for all members of the family to help with transition, support and guidance through every stage of divorce.

“LifeThruDivorce is the brain child of a group of friends who have each been touched by divorce. We found there is no single reliable, full-service resource to get advice, support, empowerment and guidance from professionals and peers,” said Perri Teitelbaum, one of the LifeThruDivorce partners. “Our desire was to create a ‘community’ and a ‘movement’ where everyone can share feelings, stories, and positive influences; and find dedicated professionals to shed light on and guide families through all stages of the JourneyThruDivorce.”

LifeThruDivorce.com will feature national and regional listings of a wide variety of professionals and organizations that can help, including family attorneys, mediators, travel experts, family therapists as well as editorial content and forums where visitors can participate in conversations on endless divorce-related topics.

LifeThruDivorce already has a lineup of experts from various divorce-related fields who are excited about contributing to its community.

“We are proud to announce our alliance with Judy Romanoff, founder of the nationally recognized National Single Parent Resource Center,” said Teitelbaum. “Coach Judy, a former South Florida Guardian Ad Litem, is an advocate for families in transition through divorce. She helps clients navigate through the maze of single parent issues, putting children’s best interests first. Coach Judy will bring her expertise and insight to LifeThruDivorce with an exclusive weekly blog and chat forum.”

While LifeThruDivorce.com is scheduled to launch in March, it has already developed a following and demand for its concept with growing interest on Facebook. Since launching the Facebook page in November 2011, it now reaches up to 724,000 visitors each week. Followers from 12 states have read, “liked” and commented on the content which has included references to relevant articles, professional blogs and even experience sharing.

LifeThruDivorce offers value-added marketing opportunities for professionals who can offer their services to the website visitors. Ads can be targeted nationally or regionally and advertisers can also provide content which demonstrate expertise. LifeThruDivorce’s media kit can be accessed here.
About LifeThruDivorce.com

LifeThruDivorce is the premier, interactive Community of support and guidance for parents and children living through divorce. We provide the knowledge, expertise and empathy to empower families to accept, recover and heal from LifeThruDivorce and move forward in life and love. LifeThruDivorce is your trusted partner, fostering a positive environment with professional guidance from experts in Law, Psychology, Finance, Wellness, Education, Travel, Real Estate and beyond.

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*article found on prweb.com