New Law Eases Path to Divorce for Many Couples

Michael DresserContact ReporterThe Baltimore Sun

 

A new law will eliminate Maryland's one-year wait for some who want to divorce.

 

When spouses in Maryland agree to split up and amicably hammer out a separation agreement, state law still makes them wait a year to file for divorce.

That will change Thursday — at least for some couples — when a new law eliminates the waiting period for those without minor children who mutually consent to divorce and agree on a property split. Couples with children will still have to live apart for a year before they can file, even if they have resolved custody and support issues.

The change is the result of legislation sponsored by Sen. Robert A. Zirkin and passed in April by the General Assembly. Zirkin, a Baltimore County Democrat, said the measure will help thousands of Marylanders to move on with their lives.

Lindsay Parvis, a Montgomery County attorney who co-chairs the Maryland State Bar Association's section on family law, called the change "a huge development."

She said it will be a relief for many people to know they can move forward "rather than a law telling them they have to wait 12 months."

The current law starts the one-year clock on the day one spouse moves out of the common home. If the two later stay under the same roof for even a night, the clock resets to Day One.

New state laws to help Marylanders clear arrest records

 

Parvis said the law will get the courts out of the business of asking eligible couples about that aspect of their lives.

Del. Kathleen Dumais, a family lawyer and vice chairman of the House Judiciary Committee, said clients come to her with settlement agreements and are shocked to learn they have to wait a year.
"They just look at me like I've lost my mind," said Dumais, a Montgomery County Democrat. "It just seems so crazy."

There are exceptions to the waiting period in current law for cases in which a spouse has committed adultery or been abusive. Lawyers point to cases where couples didn't want to raise adultery charges in an uncontested divorce, but did so to avoid the waiting period. In other cases, spouses accuse themselves of adultery to expedite a ruling.

Dumais, who helped steer the legislation through the House, said some delegates were concerned that Zirkin's original bill did not include enough protections against one spouse taking advantage of the other. She said the House committee added an amendment excluding parents of minor children from expedited divorce and another requiring that both spouses attend the court hearing in person.

Currently only one spouse has to attend the hearing on an uncontested divorce.

The House passed the bill 104-34, with most Republicans opposed. The Senate, which earlier passed the bill 40-7, accepted the House changes and Gov. Larry Hogan signed the bill.

Lawmakers acted after hearing stories such as that of Rachel London and William Atwell.

In joint written testimony, London and Atwell told senators that after deciding in June 2011 that they no longer wanted to be married, they quickly reached agreement on a property split and the support and custody of their 4-year-old son. But because neither could afford to leave their Anne Arundel County home immediately, they lived under the same roof in separate bedrooms until Atwell could move out in October of that year.

It wasn't until a year later they could file for divorce, which was granted in November 2012.
"Allowing us to file for absolute divorce when we were ready more than a year before would have decreased the stress, burden and uncertainty," they wrote.

Under the new law, a couple in their position still would not be eligible for a quick divorce because a child was involved. But Dumais said the legislation nonetheless represents meaningful change.
"What I find in family law is that baby steps are important," she said.

Zirkin, who said divorce law is a small part of his practice, said he hopes the legislation will encourage separating couples to reach agreements.

"It creates an incentive for people to work it out," he said. "Because the last thing you want in a divorce is people fighting over every last thing."

And if couples aren't fighting it out, that could save them on legal fees, Zirkin said.

"If this bill works the way it should ... it's a bad thing for divorce lawyers — which is a good thing," he said.

Sen. Michael Hough, a Frederick County Republican, said the amendments made the bill less objectionable, but he still is opposed.

"Right now there's a cooling-off period that's in the law," he said. "I just don't want to make it so you can get a next-day divorce, and that's where the law is headed."

The bill was one of several that passed this year removing obstacles to divorce. Another that becomes law this week shortens to six months, rather than a year, the time someone must live in Maryland to file for divorce here — an issue important for military families who move frequently.

Zirkin said such changes are part of a broader re-examination of Maryland's approach to divorce.
"We have a lot of remnants of very old common law and very old statutes," said Zirkin, who chairs the Senate Judicial Proceedings Committee. "This is not the end in terms of modernizing our law."
Other new laws

These are among new Maryland laws effective Thursday:
Rape kits: Requires police agencies to report backlogs of untested rape kits to state.
Mental health: Requires Baltimore and county police to create units by next Oct. 1 trained to deal with mentally ill people.
Police review: Expands mission and changes membership of Baltimore's civilian review board.
Public information: Creates new compliance board with authority to enforce public records law.
Speed limits: Allows state highway officials to set speed limits up to 70 mph.
Human trafficking: Allows someone charged with prostitution to use as a defense being a victim of human trafficking.
 mdresser@baltsun.com

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Study looks at why women are more likely to initiate divorce

By Yanan Wang

Sunday, Sept. 13, 2015, 9:00 p.m.

 

Expectations for a spouse are much higher than they used to be. 

For most of Western history, marriage had little equality. Wives bore the brunt of child care and housework, depended on their husbands for financial support and enjoyed little social autonomy while men openly had affairs. 

Fast-forward to the age of rom-coms, Valentine's Day and a $50 billion wedding industry. It's all based on finding, marrying and keeping “The One.” 

“Today, Americans want not only a spouse who is reliable and reasonable, but also someone who is their best friend, and a great lover, and someone who pays the bills ... but is also really fun,” said Stanford sociologist Michael Rosenfeld. 

According to research that Rosenfeld recently presented at the American Sociological Association's annual meeting, these heightened expectations can leave women feeling worse off in marriage than men. In a survey of 2,262 adults in heterosexual partnerships over the course of five years, Rosenfeld found that women initiate divorces 69 percent of the time. 

On the whole, they also reported less satisfaction with their marriages than men. 

Scientists have known for decades that wives are usually the ones asking for a divorce. But Rosenfeld's study also surveyed people in nonmarital romantic relationships, from casual flings to couples who had lived together for several years; in those relationships, women and men initiated breakups at equal rates. So, there's something about marriage that makes it harder on women.

“The expectation is that marriage has a whole bunch of benefits and positive characteristics for women that it didn't have in the past, but the truth is much trickier than that,” Rosenfeld said.

Though he stressed that most women surveyed were happy with their marriages, many of those who weren't cited controlling husbands and a loss of independence as causes of discontent. 

He also speculated that, although most men today espouse egalitarian values, many probably still harbor subconscious expectations of a wife's traditional role in the household. This could explain why, after all these years, women still shoulder twice as many domestic responsibilities as men. (In contrast, studies have shown that couples who equally divide their child-care duties have better sex lives.) 

Rosenfeld's survey checked in with the same individuals every year for five years. In cases in which someone was married the first year of the study and divorced in the last, his team was able to gather details in the breakup's immediate aftermath. 

One woman, who was 23 when the study began in 2009, initially reported a “good” (4 out of 5 points on the satisfaction scale) relationship with her husband-to-be: “He is very clever, fun, and sweet. I respect him and feel like we are equals on values, intellect and humor.” 

She noted, however, “It is not ‘excellent' because I wish that he was more romantic. He's very practical.” 

Four years later, the couple got divorced. In early 2015, she said, “I used to be a very happy, optimistic person, and it was like he was slowly starving my soul.” 

She realized that the relationship had become emotionally abusive and promptly filed for a divorce.

Rosenfeld said respondents' stories had echoes of “The Feminine Mystique,” Betty Friedan's feminist treatise about unhappiness among middle-class housewives. Instead, many of today's disgruntled wives have full-time jobs — and, hence, no practical need for husbands who don't make them happy.

So, while the institution of marriage hasn't completely shed its inequitable roots, women can afford to be a lot choosier. 

Yanan Wang is a staff writer for The Washington Post.

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How Your Spouse's Ashley Madison Account Can Impact Your Divorce

Emma Johnson

Now that hackers leaked the email addresses of 37 million users of Ashley Madison, the dating service for married people in search of an affair, New York City divorce lawyer Morghan Richardson’s “phone lit up like a Christmas tree,” she says.

“People are struggling to deal with how this information may impact their divorce and their life — if at all,” says Richardson.

Here is how catching a cheating spouse can affect your split:

1. Power. “I often hear from the wronged spouse: ‘I knew he was cheating! Now that I have proof I can get the house, the kids, the …’” says Richardson. The reality is that most states have no-fault divorce laws. That means that a judge doesn’t care why you are splitting up. Their job is to make sure that the money is split fairly and custody and visitation are in the best interest of the kids. In cases of infidelity, the “wronged” spouse is so hurt and angry, they assume that a judge will take that into consideration. They won’t.  On the other hand, it is common that the cheating spouse will feel so guilty, or won’t want the divorce, or be afraid of losing face to friends and family that they concede to their husband or wife’s demands.  Guilt is a powerful negotiating tool in divorce.

2.  Finances. Again, just because they were cheating doesn’t mean you get more than your share of money money. Divorce, technically, is not about reparations. However, document through credit card and bank statements how much money he spent on the site, and if he was successful, how much he spent having the affair (hotel rooms, gifts, dinners, etc.). This spending is called “marital waste,” which can be recaptured during the divorce proceedings. If he bought her a Cartier watch with marital money, he better be prepared to pony up at least half the cost.

3. Custody. “My husband listed a number of ‘unconventional’ sex preferences. How can I use this in my custody fight?” For the most part, what happens in the bedroom is not for the eyes of children — 0r the ears of the court. Your husband’s 50 Shades of Grey disclosure on his Ashley Madison profile is not likely to be equated with bad parenting. Of course, most custody fights are about character assassination and depending on the preferences listed, his BDSM admissions may help tilt the legal scales in your favor.

4. Settlement. “My wife is really angry. I was just curious when I signed up. I don’t want a divorce.” Again, judges don’t care, and courts have no interest in making couples stay married. Your wife can get a divorce if she wants, period. Second, don’t let your guilt or desire to “win her back” force you into a divorce settlement that is not in your favor. Giving her the sun and the moon now will lead to impossible to pay for deals that crush you. Finally, think about getting your own therapist to cope with the process, and your own guilt. You are far from alone in your infidelity (studies of American couples show 20 to 40 percent of straight married men will have an affair), though you may be finding yourself alone in trying to save this relationship.

5. Legal Fees. While infidelity doesn’t contribute to the legal process of divorce, the discovery of an affair nearly always skyrockets the emotional hurt. And when people are angry, they need to fight. And fighting in divorce means higher legal fees. If a husband wants to try to punish his unfaithful wife through a contentious divorce and driving up her legal fees, hopefully it won’t take him long to realize he’s punishing himself by racking up the same costly fees with his lawyer.

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Divorce Lawyers See Ashley Madison Fallout as Christmas in September

By Neasa MacErlean

NeasaMacErlean@globallegalpost.com

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Lawyers think the leak of 37m names from the membership list of the Ashley Madison database, an online club aimed at unfaithful spouses, is going to create a boom in divorces this autumn - a 'Christmas in September', according to one practitioner.

Steve Mindel, a lawyer based in Los Angeles, said: 'We're all saying: 'It's going to be Christmas in September. Pretty soon all of this stuff is going to surface and there's going to be a lot of filings for divorce directly as a result of this.'

Facilitating adultery
Nigel Shepherd of UK law firm Mills & Reeve was asked for advice from an unhappy wife within hours of her husband's name being listed on the leaked database listing. He said: 'If someone finds out if their partner is set up on a site which exists wholly for facilitating adultery, it's hardly surprising they are taking advice about it.' Source: Daily Mail

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Women More Likely Than Men to Initiate Divorce: Study

Women are more likely than men to initiate divorce, but they are no more likely than men to initiate breakups in a dating relationship, according to a new US study.

"The breakups of non-marital heterosexual relationships in the US are quite gender neutral and fairly egalitarian," said study author Michael Rosenfeld, an associate professor of sociology at Stanford University.

Rosenfeld analyzed data from a 2009-2015 survey on couples in US. He looked at 2,262 adults, ages 19 to 94, who had opposite sex partners in 2009. By 2015, 371 of these people had broken up or gotten divorced.

As part of his analysis, Rosenfeld found that women initiated 69 per cent of all divorces, compared to 31 per cent for men.

In contrast, there was not a statistically significant difference between the percentage of breakups initiated by unmarried women and men, regardless of whether they had been living with their partners.

Social scientists have previously argued that women initiate most divorces because they are more sensitive to relationship difficulties.

Rosenfeld argues that were this true, women would initiate the breakup of both marriages and non-marital relationships at equal rates.

"Women seem to have a predominant role in initiating divorces in the US as far back as there is data from a variety of sources, back to the 1940s," Rosenfeld said.

Perhaps women were more likely to initiate divorces because, as Rosenfeld found, married women reported lower levels of relationship quality than married men.

In contrast, women and men in non-marital relationships reported equal levels of relationship quality.

Rosenfeld said his results support the feminist assertion that some women experience heterosexual marriage as oppressive or uncomfortable.

"I think that marriage as an institution has been a little bit slow to catch up with expectations for gender equality," Rosenfeld said.

"Wives still take their husbands' surnames, and are sometimes pressured to do so. Husbands still expect their wives to do the bulk of the housework and the bulk of the childcare," Rosenfeld said.

"On the other hand, I think that non-marital relationships lack the historical baggage and expectations of marriage, which makes the non-marital relationships more flexible and therefore more adaptable to modern expectations, including women's expectations for more gender equality," he said.

The study will be presented at the 110th Annual Meeting of the American Sociological Association in Chicago.

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Dating After Divorce is Not an Easy Task

Anna Hartley | 17th Aug 2015 5:00 AM

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WHEN mother of two Sarah suddenly found herself single at age 30, she came to the daunting realisation that meant getting back into the world of dating. 

The Ipswich woman said many people shared her fears of getting back into the dating game, though it wasn't an issue many spoke openly about. 

"My now ex-husband was my first boyfriend. We met when I was at university so to find myself back in the dating game at age 30, on the other side of a 10-year relationship with two young kids, was horrifying," she said.

"I hadn't had dating experience of any kind and had quite relished the fact I found the one first time around. 

"That wasn't to be though and I had to get back out there again. 

"A lot of my friends are still happily married or in relationships, so to even find someone to be my 'wing-woman' was difficult. 

"I've met women and men in my situation and we all agree it's so hard to find someone and go through this dating process." 

Two years after her separation, Sarah - whose name has been changed to protect her privacy - decided to bite the bullet and agreed to go on a blind date set up by a friend. 

"Turns out the guy wasn't great and after a few dates I did tell my friend she could never do that to me again, but it did get me back out into the dating scene," she said. 

Sarah said balancing work and motherhood made her take a different approach to dating than when she was younger. 

"I have a lot less tolerance. I know this time around who I am, want I want in life and what I won't stand for," she said. 

"I guess that might mean my standards are too high and that's okay because I think I settled too much on my first (relationship). 

"My children are also important to me, I am upfront about them when dating." 

Since her first date, Sarah has tried meeting people through friends, online and even through speed dating. 

"I am trying to be open to putting myself out of my comfort zone just to see what these avenues are like," she said. 

"As with anything in life, you could meet fabulous people but you could also meet some 'crazies'." 

Sarah offered her advice to others who are now finding themselves in a similar situation and assured those feeling nervous that they were not alone. 

"Oh gosh, it is scary (and) it is fraught with unknowns, but at the same time if you don't try it how will you know what it's like?" she said. 

"I know people who have had fabulous success at events or online and it's those success stories that are great motivators for others to try or to keep going with it. 

"But (I would like) to tell people there are plenty of us out there, you aren't alone. 

"Take comfort in the fact there are many people as frustrated as you are. 

"Dating is hard in general, not just as a single parent or divorce. 

"You have to persist with it, sometimes it works out, most times it doesn't, and then you have to start again with introducing yourself, going 'back to the drawing board' again and again. 

"But I think if you know who you are (and) what you want from relationships, you can't go wrong." 

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Mandate counseling for children in divorces

ST ILLUSTRATION : ADAM LEE

Experts call for measure to help the children cope with trauma as their numbers rise

Priscilla Goy

Janice Tai

 

With the number of children caught in divorce cases rising, experts have called for counseling to be made compulsory for this vulnerable group, who often are the most affected when their parents split.

According to Family Justice Courts figures released to The Sunday Times, 4,728 children below the age of 21 were involved in divorce cases last year, up from 4,634 a decade ago. In those 10 years, more than 50,600 children saw their parents file for divorce. Seven in 10 were aged below 14.

More marriages are hitting the skids now. There were 5,471 non-Muslim divorces finalised in 2013, making it the second-highest annual figure on record.

The Family Justice Courts were set up last October with a special focus on shielding children, such as appointing child representatives from a panel of seasoned family lawyers to be the child's independent voice in court. But this does not happen in all cases.

From this year, it also became a must for divorcing parents of children aged below 14 to undergo the Parenting Pact program, which aims to help them understand the impact of divorce on children and learn about co-parenting.

And while the four divorce support specialist agencies appointed by the Government this year offer counseling services to children, these are optional.

Family lawyer Rajan Chettiar, who handles 1,000 divorces a year, said: "The law mandates parents attending parental workshops and counseling. But how about the children?"

Another family lawyer, Ms Mabel Tan, suggested that counseling be made mandatory for children aged below 16. And the help should be provided early - "from the moment their parents decide to go through divorce", said the senior partner at Joseph Tan Jude Benny LLP.

"They need someone who can understand what they are going through and provide advice."
Even a simple explanation of how divorce proceedings happen will help, she added.

Ms Cindy Loh, program head of Care Corner Centre for Co-Parenting, said this will make the children intentionally set aside time to pick up coping strategies of managing the stresses of being caught in between parents in conflict.

"If not, they will be occupied with other distractions and though some may feel that they already know all these, many are not aware of the fuller picture of how divorce may impact them," she said.

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Ms Michelle Woodworth, a family lawyer with RHTLaw Taylor Wessing LLP, believes any counselling, for both parents and children, should continue even after the divorce is finalised. Currently, she said, "there is no formal follow-up".

Divorce leaves scars on all children, though its marks may show immediately or surface decades later, said counsellors and family lawyers. Local studies by the authorities in 2000 and 2001 even found that 54 per cent of male and 30 per cent of female juvenile offenders had divorced parents.
But more commonly, the impact is seen in the child's social, emotional and intellectual development.
"When left alone to struggle with the losses and changes, they may develop academic, social and emotional problems such as difficulties in developing relationships and forming families in future," said Ms Nooraini Razak, centre manager at PPIS As-Salaam Family Support Centre.

Some teenagers choose to act out their anguish. Said Reach Counselling head Chang-Goh Song Eng: "Teens may indulge in smoking or gang behaviours, miss school and become extremely defiant."
Others hide their pain. "They feel that they have been abandoned and left to face the world by themselves, and some may hide it from their friends or withdraw from their social circle, leading to depression or behavioural issues," said Ms Yassemin Md Said, senior counsellor at the Association of Muslim Professionals' Marriage Hub.

Experts said that counselling could help mitigate the traumatic effects of divorce on children, equipping them with the necessary skills to manage their feelings and develop resilience.

Despite the clear benefits of counselling, there are parents who do not buy into it - another reason for making it compulsory.

Said family lawyer Lee Terk Yang of Flint & Battery LLC: "We have clients whose kids clearly need professional help, but the parents just do not seem to see a need for it."

Ms Loh also said that most divorcing parents who do send their children for counselling stop the session when school holidays end as "they don't want their children to miss lessons".

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