Divorce Hell

New Website Connects Professional Divorce Research Providers

2012-02-20T10:38:00.000-08:00

LifeThruDivorce.com to feature attorneys, therapists, mediators, financial professionals, realtors and more providing insight, support and guidance for divorcing couples and children. Website will be the empathetic, informative guide for everything divorce.

LifeThruDivorce is the premier, interactive Community of support and guidance for parents and children living through divorce.

Our desire was to create a ‘community’ and ‘movement’ where everyone can share feelings, stories, and positive influences and find dedicated professionals to shed light on and guide families through all stages of the JourneyThruDivorce.

When a family goes through a divorce, everyone’s world is turned upside down. Adults and children face a host of unfamiliar situations, including:

Ineffective negotiations on child custody, marital assets, etc.;
Transitions to separate households and juggling the work-life balance;
Increased stress and the consequential emotional / physical issues;
Uncertainty about investments and wealth after the split.

Some situations require professional assistance but finding the right people and resources only adds to the challenges.

A new website, LifeThruDivorce (http://www.LifeThruDivorce.com), provides insight and resources for all members of the family to help with transition, support and guidance through every stage of divorce.

“LifeThruDivorce is the brain child of a group of friends who have each been touched by divorce. We found there is no single reliable, full-service resource to get advice, support, empowerment and guidance from professionals and peers,” said Perri Teitelbaum, one of the LifeThruDivorce partners. “Our desire was to create a ‘community’ and a ‘movement’ where everyone can share feelings, stories, and positive influences; and find dedicated professionals to shed light on and guide families through all stages of the JourneyThruDivorce.”

LifeThruDivorce.com will feature national and regional listings of a wide variety of professionals and organizations that can help, including family attorneys, mediators, travel experts, family therapists as well as editorial content and forums where visitors can participate in conversations on endless divorce-related topics.

LifeThruDivorce already has a lineup of experts from various divorce-related fields who are excited about contributing to its community.

“We are proud to announce our alliance with Judy Romanoff, founder of the nationally recognized National Single Parent Resource Center,” said Teitelbaum. “Coach Judy, a former South Florida Guardian Ad Litem, is an advocate for families in transition through divorce. She helps clients navigate through the maze of single parent issues, putting children’s best interests first. Coach Judy will bring her expertise and insight to LifeThruDivorce with an exclusive weekly blog and chat forum.”

While LifeThruDivorce.com is scheduled to launch in March, it has already developed a following and demand for its concept with growing interest on Facebook. Since launching the Facebook page in November 2011, it now reaches up to 724,000 visitors each week. Followers from 12 states have read, “liked” and commented on the content which has included references to relevant articles, professional blogs and even experience sharing.

LifeThruDivorce offers value-added marketing opportunities for professionals who can offer their services to the website visitors. Ads can be targeted nationally or regionally and advertisers can also provide content which demonstrate expertise. LifeThruDivorce’s media kit can be accessed here.
About LifeThruDivorce.com

LifeThruDivorce is the premier, interactive Community of support and guidance for parents and children living through divorce. We provide the knowledge, expertise and empathy to empower families to accept, recover and heal from LifeThruDivorce and move forward in life and love. LifeThruDivorce is your trusted partner, fostering a positive environment with professional guidance from experts in Law, Psychology, Finance, Wellness, Education, Travel, Real Estate and beyond.

To order your copy of Divorce Hell, CLICK HERE!

*article found on prweb.com

10 Tips For Dating After Divorce

2012-02-15T11:05:00.000-08:00

You're ready to start dating -- or maybe you already have some dates lined up. It can be a bit nerve-wracking if you've been out of the dating scene for a while. For many it brings up memories of adolescent angst. Several women were interviewed about getting back into dating after divorce, here are some of their tips.

1. Don't think that you're too old and any guy you meet will want someone ten years younger. You're a mature woman with interests and achievements. You're open to experiencing new things. You have a lot to offer and you want to be with a man who appreciates who you are. He wants the same thing in a date that you do -- to meet someone who is good company and who he can enjoy being with.

2. Tell your kids you're starting to date. It's a good idea if you have grown children living at home to let them know you're going to be dating. Sometimes grown children react badly to the news and the man. It may be a sense of loyalty to the father. They may resent you for "leaving" them emotionally. And little kids can sometimes have temper tantrums when mom is going out. It's probably best to meet your date somewhere outside the home, at least in the beginning. You don't need to deal with moody or crying children when you're just getting to know one another.

3. Be ready for that first date. When you're ready to date, make sure you look your best. Feeling prepared gives you confidence and that confidence allows you to relax and focus on the dating experience.

4. Think about what's important to you. You would like to meet a man who is considerate, interesting and interested in you. You want great chemistry and a good companion, so plan to be all those things for him. You know a little bit about him already, concentrate on learning more.

5. Don't make snap judgments. Everyone is nervous on a first date. Try to make the first date something you'll both enjoy. Go to a movie and out for coffee. The movie will give you something to talk about if you're having trouble making conversation.

6. Don't decide he's not right for you until you've been out on a second date. Give both of you a chance. See him a second time. You'll both be more relaxed, and you'll be able to tell if he's a "possible."

7. Put the iPod, iPad, pager, android, cell phone away. If you have a baby sitter and need to know if you get a call, alert your date before the evening starts. Put the phone on vibrate so you can check it, but whatever you do, don't answer it unless it's an emergency.

8. Don't get to know one another by re-hashing your history. You may be furious with your ex, and as much as we know it's important to vent, don't do it to the new man in your life. He has a history too and he's probably got some unhappy stories as well, but playing therapist or sounding board to one another is no way to create a foundation for a relationship or even for just a couple of dates. Keep your bitching for your girlfriends. And don't let him unload on you about his ex. A good way of handling an awkward moment is saying something like, "Telling each other stories about our exes won't change anything and I'd rather know more about you."

9. If he's going to be in the picture and you have grown kids, set some ground rules.
If you're seeing a lot of your new beau and he comes to dinner or he wants to take your family to the movies, tell the kids they need to behave in a grown-up manner when he's around. Tell that there have been many times you might not have liked their friends, but you were always polite to them and you expect the same courtesy.

10. Remember, if he isn't right for you there will be someone else. If things don't work out be open, try new things, and take any opportunity to make new friends. Always go on blind dates. Believe in romance and don't give up.

If you recently met someone special, how did you meet and how did you make it work?

To order your copy of Divorce Hell, CLICK HERE!

*article found on huffingtonpost.com

Happy Valentine's Day!

2012-02-14T07:00:00.000-08:00

Happy Valentine's Day to all you couples out there!

New Bill Could Make Divorce Even Harder

2012-02-08T08:00:00.000-08:00

Breaking up "is hard to do", but it’s about to becoming even more difficult if a bill in play at the Utah Legislature goes through.

A measure on ‘Mandatory Divorce Orientation' classes advanced today in the Legislature.

If the bill passed, it would make it so couples would be required to do two things first.

First, a spouse would have to complete a state-approved ‘Divorce Orientation Course' before filing for divorce.

Second, no waivers of a 90-day divorce waiting period, for couples who take the class.

Rep. Jim Nielson says Utah has not cornered the market on family values.

"But I think we take ideas about families, and about public policy as it affects families, we take it very seriously here,” he said.

Before filing for divorce, a person would get options on divorce alternatives, resources on improving marriage, and the consequences of a split.

But divorce lawyer Eric Johnson is no fan of divorce orientation class.

"People getting divorced have to struggle enough with that decision not to be told it's hard,” Johnson said.

But in testimony this week at the Utah State Capitol, Brigham Young University professor Alan Hawkins said it’s still worth the effort.

"I am convinced that there is a small but important number of divorcing couples – perhaps 10% - that are prime candidates for potential reconciliation," he said.

What are your thoughts? Should couples have to attend a divorce orientation course? I would love to hear your thoughts!

To order a copy of Divorce Hell, please CLICK HERE.

Fun Valentine's Day Gift Ideas For Your Valentine!

2012-02-06T11:22:00.000-08:00

You may think it is funny that I have Valentine's Day gift ideas on my Divorce Hell blog, but remember... my book is about avoiding divorce! Of course that that means, showing your spouse you love him/her is important all the time, not just on Valentine's Day. However, since your significant other may be expecting a romantic date night this Valentine's Day, I thought I would help you out! These fun, tech-savvy ideas for a romantic Valentine's Day will knock your Valentine's socks off. You can thank me later :)

Shoot from the hip

(Credit: Lomography)

Share your Instagram addiction and take your other half on a shoot. Issue a challenge such as only capturing shapes (preferably hearts), taking only one second to compose a shot or not stopping until the both of you have used every single Instagram filter.

To up the ante, try shooting with film instead. Buy a disposable camera or one of these Valentine's Day-themed Lomography cameras. You could be pleasantly surprised at how the photos turn out, and they may even go into a scrapbook as a future Valentine's Day gift.

The modern mixtape

It's a sad, sad world when no one makes mixtapes or even mixed MiniDiscs anymore.

Bring back memories of your school days with your own version of a love mixtape--i.e., an iTunes playlist. For maximum effect, give your other half a brand new iPod with her favorite songs already loaded on it.

Love song for a partner

To add on to the previous suggestion, turn singer/songwriter for a day and record a love song.

Audio software such as Audacity (freeware) or ProTools (paid) allow you to turn your computer into a mini studio and record and mix tracks together.

Extra brownie points are given if you play a musical instrument.

(Credit: Arcam)

Slow dancing in the dark

Using your iPhone and a speaker dock such as the Arcam rCube, put on some Barry Manilow or whatever ballad sets the mood for the both of you. Dim the lights (put on some candles, if possible) and ask your partner to dance with you. You're likely to feel less silly and awkward about your two left feet if the lights are low.

The amazing race

For the more adventurous, try to indulge your Valentine in a "The Amazing Race"-styled scavenger hunt. Using WhatsApp or any other messaging app, send photos or text messages as clues to a series of locations, eventually leading to the prize: You! Well, perhaps you and a nice picnic basket under the stars.

If that's too much work, you can try hunting down a geocache together. Geocaching is a hunt for treasure--known as a geocache--using GPS-enabled devices and coordinates that are published online by other geocachers.

Picnic under the stars

(Credit: Geneva Lab)

Pack some sandwiches, cheese and a bottle of wine for a picnic in a park. Pipe music (quietly) out of a portable speaker such as the Geneva Sound System Model XS, and then lie on your backs to gaze at the stars.

Even if you live in a metropolis where the stars are drowned out by the lights, Android apps such as Star Chart (S$3.99) or Sky Map (free) still allow you to do some star spotting. These apps use your handset's GPS and camera to identify heavenly bodies.

Instant poet

(Credit: Razeware LLC/iTunes)

Use the Instant Poetry HD app (S$1.99) to create moving masterpieces for your Valentine, then sneakily change the wallpaper on her iPhone/iPad.

The app is inspired by those fridge magnets consisting of words which you piece together to form instant poetry. There are three different word themes to choose from--love, sadness and passionate--and you can even customize the background. Rather than using a corny shot of the two of you, our suggestion is to use a significant location in your relationship as the backdrop instead.

Video games

You can count your lucky stars if your better half prefers quiet evenings in to being wined and dined.
Ease her into the finer pleasures of console gaming with some perennial favorites such as Rock Band, Mario Kart and Need for Speed. Oh, and do let her win once in a while.

Favorite flicks

If your Valentine isn't much of a gamer, you can go the tried-and-tested route of watching a movie. Perhaps you can refer to our list of top 40 must-have Blu-ray Discs for suggested titles--Up!, Shakespeare in Love and Avatar seem to be the most Valentine-friendly for now.

Order Charles Irion's book Divorce Hell to get his advice, learn from his mistakes, and avoid divorce by CLICKING HERE.

*article from cnet.com

Top 10 Tips For a Great Divorce

2012-01-24T11:42:00.000-08:00

What if your divorce is the best part of your marriage?

For some people, divorce inevitably will be ugly. For lots of reasons it's how it will play out. For many people, though, splitting up is a grief-filled experience full of genuine loss and wonderful opportunities. If that's where you are, if you simply were not meant to be married anymore and you are two people of good will, trying to be decent to each other, here are 10 great ways to protect and insulate your fragile peace:

1. Don't try to be friends too soon.
Your reactions, impulses, needs and interests will cycle differently. You need a safe, professional distance from each other to conduct the business, set the rules and boundaries that will allow you to move into a parenting partnership and to see if a new friendship might flourish.

2. Lawyers prepare for the worst. Mediators bring out your best.
Start with a great mediator who is also a lawyer. If you're not at war already, heading to a sharky lawyer out of fear will certainly start one. If you have a working relationship, similar goals and no huge wedge issues up front, try an experienced mediator first. You'll save oodles of money and are more likely to come out of it with the good parts of your relationship intact

3. Write a Parenting Plan that speaks directly to your children.
If you start out with "To Adam and Ella," you are more likely to write a plan with your kids' best interests in clear focus. Picture them reading it. If they are old enough, share it with them. Show them you are working as a team, from the beginning, on their behalf.

4. Trust But Verify: Write everything down
Do not assume either of you will remember or abide by the agreement no matter how friendly things are. Get it all in writing in a coherent plan and agreement so nobody 'forgets' or acts out. This is why a mediator who is also a lawyer is such a strong choice. Especially with issues of money and parenting, the more details are in writing the better. For example, if you live in the same area and are comfortable with the non-custodial spouse or co-parent visiting during non-visiting times or if you are agreeing to a degree of flexibility, write it down.

5. Agree on how to disagree
Failure is inevitable. Things will zig when you thought they'd zag. Minefields will blow in areas you had no idea were even tender. Have a plan for that. What's your process for when you hit a snag? What if somebody gets a better job and the money changes, or if somebody wants to relocate or if you think parents should pay for graduate school but he doesn't? What is your process? Head back to mediation? Write down the precise process so everybody is clear.

6. Time Outs: Outline clear and effective consequences
.Agree on what happens if one person does not abide by the agreement or somehow does not follow through. Like with parenting, you need to know what happens to those who break the rules - make sure you know what happens to the rule breaker and what the ex gets to do about it.

7. Resist old patterns
Part of the relief of divorce is you are no longer responsible for your partner's insecurities, self hatred, wacked relationship with his/her family, professional disappointments or any other despair you had to live with. Same for them. No more front-loading onto them and no more listening TO them. You both are released so be released. Resist the urge to give or seek old patterns of support.

8. Let your relationship transform. Burn the old and see what emerges.
If your relationship is going to have any chance at re-emerging in a new, healthy form that allows you to be friends and strong parenting partners, you have to let it all go first. Who knows what you'll keep or who you will become. Don't feel betrayed if the other person withdraws or remains silent when you start a riff on how hard it is to blah blah blah. She/he is wisely trying to build new boundaries for the care and safety of your relationship. It may feel lousy and lonely for a while but it's the only way to move forward in a healthy way.

9. Get together as a (newly-reconfigured) family
If you can, make time to gather as a family. Go out for dinner. Show the kids you still care about each other. They are going to want you back together anyway and you might as well start demonstrating early that they still have two parents who love them and value each other, and we are still a family no matter what.

10. No new people
If there are third parties involved, you're probably not going to be able to take any of this advice because somebody done somebody really wrong and somebody is enraged, betrayed and deeply wounded. If, however, somehow there were others involved or others come enter the scene early on, do not, DO NOT involve them with the kids. Even if the kids are teenagers it's too confusing and raw. Let the focus be on the family of origin.

For your copy of Divorce Hell, CLICK HERE!

*article found on psychology today

Dealing with Personal and Family Issues After Divorce

2012-01-19T12:02:00.000-08:00

After your divorce is over, you enter a new phase in your life. You may feel happier than you have felt in a long time, free of the tension and strife that plagued your marriage. Life after divorce can represent a time of personal growth, rediscovery, and new opportunities.

On the other hand, being single again can be an intimidating and lonely experience — particularly if divorce was not your idea and you are unprepared for life on your own or if you have sole custody of your children. Even if you sought that custody arrangement, having full-time responsibility for your children seven days a week, night and day, can be overwhelming, not to mention exhausting.

Being easy on yourself

To help you adjust to all the changes in your life, avoid piling unreasonable expectations on yourself. Just do what you must to tie up the loose ends of your divorce; otherwise, take a breather and regroup mentally and physically. Although you may have big plans for what you want to do with the rest of your life, give yourself the opportunity to recover from what you've just gone through.

In other words, being a little lazy — letting your house get messier than it usually is, eating fast-food dinners once in while, skipping a few workouts at the gym — is okay. Pressuring yourself to make important decisions right away, before you can think them through with a clear head, may cause you to make some mistakes you'll regret later on.

On the other hand, you need to maintain those habits that make you feel good about yourself and about life in general. If you get too lazy, you may slip into a funk you can't crawl out of, which will definitely interfere with your ability to get on with your life as a single person.

Taking time to reflect on what happened

Try to put your recent experiences into perspective. Take time to understand why your marriage didn't work out and how you may have contributed to your marital problems. Otherwise, you may end up making the same mistakes twice. Keeping a journal is a good way to do this and therapy can be a big help, too.

Accept the fact that your life is no longer the way it used to be and it never will be again. This doesn't mean that your new life has to be a disappointment — it's just different. Try to identify some benefits to your being single again (they may be hard to find at first, but they do exist). For example, you have more privacy and time to yourself, your relationship with your children is stronger, and you can sleep better because you're no longer stressed out by your divorce.

Finding a support group

Consider joining a divorce support group. Its members can help bolster your confidence through the inevitable down times as you rebuild your life and can provide you with advice and feedback when you encounter problems you're not sure how to handle.

Becoming handy around the house

Being divorced usually means having to take on new household chores — cooking, grocery shopping, balancing the checkbook, home repairs, mowing the lawn — chores your ex-spouse used to do. If you need to get up-to-speed quickly on unfamiliar household tasks, relatives and friends may be willing to give you a quick lesson (don't be ashamed to ask them for the help you need). Reading how-to books or taking classes are also good ways to acquire new skills. Soon you'll feel proud of what you can accomplish on your own and gain confidence in your ability to learn even more.

Finding activities you and your children enjoy

If you are a noncustodial parent, being with your kids may be awkward for all of you at first. Seeing you living in a new place and not having you in their everyday lives may feel weird to your children.

To help everyone feel more comfortable and adjust to the new situation, try to avoid making every get-together a special event. Simple activities such as a trip to the grocery store, a bike ride, doing homework together, or watching a video — the kinds of things you used to do with one another — take some of the pressure off and helps reassure your kids that not everything in their lives has changed.

You can reassure your kids that you're still an active parent by attending their school's open house, attending their recitals or sporting events, or joining in their scouting activities. Even if you live out of town, making it a point to show up at least a couple of times a year to lend moral support means a lot to your children and assures them that they're very important to you.

If you are a noncustodial parent, don't be upset if your kids don't act overjoyed to see you when you pick them up, but then seem sad to leave you. Their initial nonchalance may be their way of protecting themselves emotionally, or it may reflect their confidence that you will always be in their lives and divorce hasn't changed your love and concern for them. Don't make assumptions about the ways your children are responding to the changes occurring in their lives. Instead, observe your children and try to understand the true reasons for their behavior.

If your children are living with you but spending some nights with your former spouse, give your kids time to get used to their other parent's home and the different rules your ex may expect your children to follow. Your children may have a hard time falling asleep when they spend the night at your ex's or may act reluctant to spend time there at first, but most likely they'll adjust fairly quickly to their new living arrangement.

Working at rebuilding a sense of family

As you recover from your divorce, rebuilding a sense of family with your children is important. This is particularly critical if your marital problems have affected how your entire family functions.

Whether you are a custodial parent, a noncustodial parent, or share custody with your spouse, your children need to feel that they're still part of a real family, which is essential to your child's sense of self-worth. To help maintain a sense of family, hold on to as many family rituals as possible, such as attending religious ceremonies with your children or arranging for all of you to spend holidays with your extended family.

Think about establishing new family customs (going on an annual family vacation or taking up a new hobby with your children, for example) to make them feel as if some benefits to their new life do exist and to help your children enjoy spending time with you as a family.

For your copy of DIVORCE HELL - Click HERE

*article from divorce for dummies .com

Crazy Divorce Stories!

2012-01-13T12:00:00.000-08:00

A Saudi woman asked for divorce in 2008 because her husband tried to sneak one look at her face after 30 years of marriage. A Saudi Arabian man lived with his wife for 30 years without setting eyes on her face. His 50-year-old wife followed the tradition of her native village near the south-western city of Khamis Mushayt and kept her features veiled at all times.

One night the husband was overcome by curiosity and tried to lift his wife's veil as she slept to take a look at her face. It was an error he is unlikely to be given a chance to repeat for his outraged wife woke up during his sneak peek and decided to demand a divorce.

The betrayed wife said her husband apologized and promised never to do it again, but she insisted she wanted a divorce. It may seem odd, but cases of Saudi husbands with wives forever shrouded in mystery are not uncommon.

In 2001, a Chinese woman launched divorce proceedings against her husband after the family's pet mynah bird reportedly spilled the beans on his marital indiscretions. According to the Xinmin Evening News, the woman first suspected something was amiss when the bird began repeating words apparently picked up from her husband's secret telephone calls to his lover after she returned from a month-long visit to her parents. She said words such as "divorce", "I love you", and "be patient" had become an increasingly frequent feature of the feathered telltale's idle twitterings.

She took her case -- along with the bird -- to a local law office for consultation, hoping it would testify in court against her husband; lawyers however told her they were not optimistic that the bird's testimony would sway the court. The wife filed for divorce but, for some bizarre reason, evidence from a bird was apparently not admissible in Chinese courts.

In April 2009, a German woman divorced her husband because she was “fed up” with him cleaning everything all the time. The wife got through 15 years of marriage putting up with the man’s penchant for doing household chores, tidying up and rearranging the furniture, but she ran out of patience when he knocked down and rebuilt a wall at their home when it got dirty.

A Romanian woman demanded a divorce in 2005 because she couldn't stand having lunch with her mother-in-law every day. The 22-year-old woman had been married for only 10 months when she claimed her life turned into a nightmare because of her mother-in-law.

Elena T. from Focsani, in Vrancea county, said to a judge that the presence of her mother-in-law at the most important meal of the day with her teasing remarks had ruined her marriage. The court asked Mrs. Elena to reconsider her demand, advising her to find a better reason if she wants to separate from her husband.

To order your copy of Divorce Hell, CLICK HERE!

Facebook Cited in Third of U.K. Divorces

2012-01-04T12:20:00.000-08:00

Have you ever been caught flirting on Facebook with someone besides your significant other? Apparently you're not alone.

A new survey conducted by U.K. divorce Web site Divorce-Online found that married couples are increasingly being driven apart by transgressions that occurred on the popular social media site. So much so that 33 percent of divorce petitions in 2011 contained references to Facebook, according to the survey.

Moreover, the amount of Facebook-related divorces ratcheted up in recent years–substantially, according to the survey. In 2009, the last time the survey was conducted, Facebook was mentioned in just 20 percent of divorce petitions. In both cases, 5,000 divorce petitions were queried by researchers.

As in the 2009 survey, the most common reason for citing Facebook in a divorce petition related to a spouse's behavior with members of the opposite sex. Also, spouses used Facebook to comment about their exes and used their public walls as "weapons in their divorce battle," the survey states.

The top three reasons included: inappropriate messages sent to members of the opposite sex; separated spouses posting nasty comments about each other; and Facebook friends reporting a spouse's behavior.

"People need to be careful what they write on their walls as the courts are seeing these posts being used in financial disputes and children cases as evidence," Mark Keenan, a spokesman for Divorce-Online, said in a statement.

Facebook did not immediately respond to questions about the study.

Twitter, meanwhile, appeared in a mere 20 divorce petitions queried by researchers. Those cases commonly involved Twitter being used as a tool to make comments about exes.

To order your copy of Divorce Hell please CLICK HERE!

*Article found on pcmag.com

Marriage Rates: Divorce Fears To Blame For Low Rates?

2011-12-22T10:34:00.000-08:00

Recently, social demographer Dr. Sharon Sassler, a Cornell University professor, set out to learn more about how couples decide to live together, and why. In interviews conducted with 122 people, Sassler saw a surprising trend: Though her questions were primarily focused on cohabitation, respondents consistently raised the subject of divorce, even though she and her team had not solicited information on the subject. Indeed, a full two-thirds of her subjects revealed fears about their own future marriages falling apart.

Her findings, published last month in the NovemberJournal of Family Relations, seem to correspond with a recent Pew Research Institute report, which found that men and women are getting married later and later, and the number of people who do actually make it down the aisle recently hit an all time low.

So is one finding related to the other? HuffPost Divorce spoke with Dr. Sassler to find out more about how fears of divorce might be affecting national marriage trends.

What was the most surprising finding of the study?

We actually didn't have a specific question about divorce. We were asking about what the benefits of cohabitating are relative to marriage. The fact that divorce spontaneously arose in such a large proportion of the responses was what was surprising, because we weren't looking for it, and it kind of slapped us in the face. Also surprising was that, regardless of whether the cohabitators had personally experienced their parents' divorce, they expressed concerns about divorce themselves.

Is there evidence to substantiate a claim that these fears of divorce contribute to low marriage rates?

There are a lot of factors at play that contribute to low marriage rates. Most of our couples still planned to get married, so I'd prefer to say that our findings might help explain the delay of marriage...One of the factors my respondents gave in being reluctant to take that next step was being cautious about marriage or even jaded about marriage. Since the majority of young adults live together prior to marriage, I do think it tells us something about how anxious young people are today about their ability to maintain intimate relationships. They're being more cautious and they might want to take more time.

We did find that the majority of those who do mention fears of divorce do intend to eventually get married because they think it might have some benefits. They think it would make their family happy, or that it would improve their relationship or that it's one way of showing love.

Where do these fears of divorce come from? How did they differ by gender and class?

The fears differ by social class and they differ by gender. For less-educated women, there are these strong concerns about being financially trapped in a bad relationship, and not having the means to exit it. And there were fears of what divorce would do to the children. There's also this concern that if they get married that they'd be expected to do more domestic work, and they're working women, so they viewed it as a double burden. Many of them thought, "why take on these extra responsibilities?"

The middle class group mentioned hearing the statistics all the time: they hear one out of two marriages is destined to fail, but it's incorrect. Divorce rates have been going down for the last few decades. Data indicates that the marriages are lasting longer in the early 2000s than they did in the 1990s, but they don't hear that. What they hear are the scare stories -- the Kim Kardashians who are on their second divorces. They don't realize that things have changed. Across the board, it was just a lot of this free-floating anxiety about divorce. A lot of them said they only wanted to marry once. That was the most common refrain: "I want to do it right. I only want to marry once."

For those who were children of divorce themselves, how did that affect their views on marriage?

They often referenced their families and their parents' marriages as cautionary tales, but that doesn't stop them from being in relationships, it's just an added layer of anxiety. The working classes are more likely to have experienced their parents' divorce, and they move in together more quickly, but there is an economic element to this -- they're more likely to move in more rapidly because of the financial need.

For the middle class respondents, they're much more likely to have dated for over a year or longer and that's not often the case with the working class. The college-educated respondents had held on to their apartments longer before moving in together, even though they might have been spending as much time together as the cohabiters. They still had that escape hatch. If you're working two minimum-wage jobs, it's harder to maintain that second apartment.

Slightly over a third of the sample made no mention of divorce at all. Who were they and why do you suspect divorce didn't come up in interviews with them?

We did not specifically ask about divorce, so it just might not have been on their mental map. We don't have indicators of relationship quality, but maybe they're in better relationships. Respondents who are engaged might not want to jinx themselves by thinking about divorce.

For your copy of DIVORCE HELL and to download your FREE Salvation Guide, CLICK HERE!

*Article from Huffington Post

5 Minutes To A Better Marriage

2011-12-07T14:26:00.000-08:00

What’s the one thing any couple needs to make their marriage stronger and more romantic? If you’re like most people surveyed recently, you’d say time together—and lots of it. But that isn't so, in a recent study of couples that had recently turned their marriages around and felt really close now hadn’t made any big changes like devoting entire evenings or weekends to being together. Instead, they’d simply started spending five-minute blocks of time together in rewarding ways. And you can follow their lead to improve your marriage! Here are some examples:

Cuddle at the most important time of the day. "Most couples fit their cuddles in at the end of the day", says psychologist Judith Sherven, Ph.D. "but cuddling in the morning is even more rewarding." Why? "The physical contact will keep you feeling close to each other all day," she says. So go ahead and set the alarm five minutes early, then snuggle. "You can talk, but you don’t have to," she says. "The most important part is that you’re holding each other. It’ll help you both start the day feeling loved, and you’ll feel that way all day long."

Ask each other one simple question before you head out the door. What is it? "Anything special going on today? Gottman discovered that talking about the daily details of our lives is just as important to couples as sharing hopes, dreams and fears with each other. "The nitty-gritty details determine a lot of how we act and feel on any given day, so asking about them is a great way to build understanding and rapport," Gottman explains. Then, when you’re together again at the end of the day, ask how that special something—that meeting, phone call to an important client or lunch with a friend went. The results? You’ll feel connected, Gottman says.

Share what you like about each other. When a conversation about cars sprang up at a gathering with friends, Mary Gilman gave her husband credit for making their old clunker last with his TLC. "He looked so happy, I realized I should tell him more often how much I appreciate the things he does," says the 32-year-old sales representative from Tustin, California. "I didn’t think I had to tell him. I assumed he knew how much I appreciate him." The moral? If there’s something you appreciate about your spouse, from his/her parenting skills to the way he/she painted the bathroom last month, speak up! This proved so important to the couples Gottman studied that he recommends sprinkling five minutes of praise throughout each other’s day. If you start, he promises, you’ll enjoy the same treatment from your husband/wife. How does praise work? "It reminds people that their spouse loves them," Gottman explains. And knowing they’re loved "makes people more willing to iron out differences".

Do small kindnesses for each other. The good we do for our partner tends to come back to us, says relationship expert James Sniechowski, Ph.D. "When you’re thoughtful to someone, they’re inclined to be thoughtful in return," he explains. "And those acts of kindness make for a loving feeling between two people." So pick up each other’s favorite dessert or clip articles you think your spouse might like. "The amount of love those small kindnesses will bring you is without limit," Sniechowski says.

The more five-minute connections you’re able to make, the better, says Gottman. Why? "Because the more good connections you make, the more money you’ll have in your joint emotional bank account, and the richer your relationship will be." But even just one five-minute connection a day can make for a happier marriage. So go ahead and spend five minutes on building a great marriage.

To order your copy of Divorce Hell and to download your FREE copy of my Salvation Guide, CLICK HERE!

Surviving the Holidays after loss

2011-12-01T09:36:00.000-08:00

For those experiencing a loss, October through December can be excruciatingly painful months. Death, separation, divorce, illness, family trauma, job loss or moving to a new location result in great losses that make the holidays difficult.

Therefore, here are a few practical tips.

PREPARE – The ambush of emotions can attack at any time; prepare beforehand.
ACCEPT the difficulty of this time of year and your loss. Remind yourself that it’s a season and it will pass.
SOCIALIZE – Don’t hibernate. Insecure feelings may tempt you to isolate, but force yourself to go out even if it’s only for a short time.
LOWER your expectations – Movies and songs paint an unrealistic picture of the holidays.
DON’T ANESTHETIZE the pain with drugs or alcohol – Numbing emotional distress with chemicals creates more depression.
TRIMMING – If old ornaments or trimmings cause too much pain, don’t hang them this year. Put them aside for another time.
GET UP AND MOVE – Take care of your physical well-being. Healthy foods will give you strength; fattening and sugar-filled foods can worsen your depression. Exercise produces natural stress reducers.
SHOP online if going to the mall is too stressful.
COPING STRATEGY – Have the phone number of your counselor, pastor, church, close friend or hotline already taped to your phone. Make the commitment to call someone if negative thoughts get fierce.
LIGHT – Get some sunshine. Winter can take its toll on your emotions by the loss of sun you experience.
INVITE a friend to see a movie, have dinner or help decorate the house.
SET BOUNDARIES – Precisely explain to your family and friends what you are capable of doing this year, and what you aren’t. Don’t let others guilt you into taking on more than you can handle.
REACH OTHERS by discovering people who might be alone during the holidays.

To order a copy of Divorce Hell for more advice like this, or to download my free salvation guide, click HERE

FREE Salvation Guide

2011-11-23T08:58:00.000-08:00

Have you read my divorce Salvation Guide? The Salvation Guide is the final chapter in the book Divorce Hell. This 40 page guide provides a healing retrospective on how to find, nurture and develop a strong relationship that will also be a lasting one.

Click HERE to be taken to my Divorce Hell website. Once there scroll to the bottom of the page to download your salvation guide!

Divorce Don'ts While Online

2011-11-04T10:15:00.000-07:00

These days, divorce lawyers don't have to go far to find evidence “they just go on the Internet. Did you know that what you post online can be used against you in court, especially in a divorce? Attorney Scott Trout, managing partner for Cordell & Cordell, P.C., cautions spouses ending their marriage with his five divorce don'ts online:

1. Don't let it all hang out.

Scott says to keep risqué or inappropriate photos off the Internet. "It's going to come back, and it's going to haunt you," he says. Be careful of photos with alcohol or partying with friends. If you're in a custody battle, they may hinder your case.

2. Don't show off.

Scott says you shouldn't be purchasing big-ticket items before your divorce is finalized, and if you do, don't post photos online. A picture of a fancy new car can be used against you if you're saying you can't afford alimony. The same goes for vacation photos.

3. Don't get tagged.

"Your friends are not your friends in a divorce," Scott says. Make sure people who know you aren't posting photos of you on their profiles and then tagging you in them, so it's easy to see what you've been up to.

4. Don't talk smack.

"You don't want to talk bad about a judge. Judges are human. If you talk bad about a judge or opposing counsel, I don't care what the law says, you lose." Scott says.

5. Don't vent about the kids.

Scott says if there is a custody issue in your divorce, the judge doesn't want to see you putting your kids in the middle. Don't share or post what you have or haven't told the kids. Keep them out of it.

To order your copy of Divorce Hell CLICK HERE, scroll to the bottom of the page, and click "BUY NOW"

*article from www.drphil.com

Negotiation strategies for families

2011-10-19T12:44:00.000-07:00

I saw this article in the newspaper and thought I would share it with you. It is full of great information. How to negotiate with your family!

We apply our negotiation skills with our family members every day. While we don't consider these formal "negotiations" like in business, many experts, view the process broadly as including any communications in which parties attempt to satisfy mutual interests. So what strategies work effectively in the family context?

Remember the long term relationship.
Avoid competitive, hard nosed brinksmanship negotiations. Instead, remember you want to spend the rest of your life in close proximity with this person. If you think you might regret making a certain statement, don't do it. And if the temperature in the room gets too hot and you or your family member appear ready to lose your cool, institute a cooling-off period.

Listen, understand, and be present.
Don't underestimate the value of just listening and understanding. When my wife describes a problem to me, my instinct is to try to solve it. But as my wife will often remind me, that may not be what she wants or needs. Instead, she may need you to simply listen and empathize.

Dig deep for the true interests involved.
In "Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most" by Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton, and Sheila Heen, the authors distinguish between three "conversations" within every difficult communication: the "what happened" conversation, the "feelings" conversation, and the "identify" conversation.

In the what-happened conversation parties often focus on what happened and discuss it in terms of "who's right, who meant what, and who's to blame." The problem is that focusing on right and wrong, assuming what someone "really" intended, and playing the blame game, frequently leads everyone down a negative path. Alternatively, the authors suggests we explore our perceptions, interpretations, and values underlying the issues, stop assuming we know the others intentions, and focus on how to avoid other future problems.

Identify the feelings and emotions involved.
How many of your most difficult family discussions were really about anger, disappointment, shame or some other feeling or emotion? In "Difficult Conversations" the authors suggest you address these by identifying everyone's feelings and seeking to better understand them. Ask, "how do we feel about this and why?" Then explore these in a non-threatening way.

Find and use objective standards
A great way to lower the emotional level in many negotiations, especially highly charged family ones, is to find an objective standard that can lead to an mutually acceptable solution. Standards that work well here, especially with kids, include precedent (your older brother received the same allowance), policy (everyone must finish their vegetables before leaving the table) and expert opinion (the dentist told you to brush your teeth after every meal if you want healthy teeth).

Of course, expect your kids to start using these with you, too!

To order a copy of Divorce Hell, click HERE, scroll to the bottom of the page and click on BUY NOW.

*Article written by Marty Latz

Romance? Theres an app for that!

2011-10-07T14:25:00.000-07:00

Lately our smartphones have taken a lashing for interfering with our most valued personal relationships. We're too fixated on our touch screens to catch the eye of an intriguing stranger.

But don't worry - the app inventors are ready to turn our cell phones into little love machines. Most of their creations are widely available and free, though a few will cost you a dollar or two. And you really can't put a price on technology assisted romance.

Perhaps you're single and looking for love. "101 Pickup Lines" may help you attract the attention of someone special. Just tap that cute brunette on the shoulder, scroll through the choices, and lay one on her. Try No. 37: "Do you have a map? Cause honey. I keep getting lost in your eyes."

Once you've got her number, fire up the "Date Smart" app to figure out what to do on Friday night. Enter your location, price range, and the type of date you are wanting - adventures maybe or cultural, and it will produce the perfect itinerary for a night of wooing.

A home cooked meal might be more your style and "Romantic Date Dinner Recipes" can tell you just what should go on the menu. Once you're seated across from each other, pull up "Getting Flirty" to decode her expressions and figure out if she's having a good time.

If you wind up back at your place, fire up the "Valentine Radio" app to hear love songs from radio stations from around the world. Thinking about going in for a kiss but worried about your technique? Just smooch the screen of your phone, and the "Kiss Me" app will rate your style on a scale of 1 to 10, while also offering some helpful pointers. "Careful don't chip a tooth" it chastises if you led with your pearly whites.

So... what do you think? Too much? Are you going to look up the apps right now? Think they're helpful?

To order your copy of Divorce Hell - Break-up rituals, Horror stories, Sex and the Seven Year Itch, click HERE!!!

*Article from Ellen McCarthy - Washington Post

Amazon Review

2011-09-15T13:29:00.000-07:00

Another great review for Divorce Hell on Amazon!

5.0 out of 5 stars GREAT read for any married and want-to-be-married couples, December 23, 2009

Jennifer (USA) -

This review is from: Divorce Hell: Break-up Rituals, Horror Stories, Sex and the Seven Year Itch (Paperback)

First, the book title is somewhat confusing. Divorce Hell is about how to make your relationship stronger and avoid the hell divorce can cause. Irion is candid about his own story of divorce in the first chapter. The following chapters recount various stories of divorce. I was amazed and intrigued by the research Irion did for the chapter on Divorce Rituals. My favorite chapter is Salvation. Irion calls it a love guidebook. Divorce Hell is an interesting, fun, and fact-filled read.

Thanks to Jennifer for the great review! Have you read Divorce Hell?? Please leave your reviews on Amazon! We would love to post them. Haven't read Divorce Hell yet? That's okay! Order your copy by clicking HERE.

wishing for divorce?

2010-02-06T08:57:00.000-08:00

Ever consider divorce? the reasons why you are thinking of divorce?

They may include money issues, boredom, infidelity or more.

There are choices and alternatives---I have written some guidelines/ideas to help you in your decision--these guidelines are free!
www.divorcehellthebook.com

know your lawyer

2010-01-31T11:32:00.000-08:00

he can be your best friend or worst enemy! If he is a fighter he may end up costing you alot more than you need to spend. Choose a wise , smart, caring and organized lawyer to help you figure whats best for both of you and one that will help you navigate through Divorce Hell

www.divorcehell.com

review of divorce hell--good news!

2010-01-23T12:53:00.000-08:00

I recently went through a divorce. I know that when you are married, you don't think of reading books with the word 'divorce' in the title - doesn't add points to the positive outlook meter - But I sure wish that had read this book years ago. It would have prepped me for what was definitely an experience in hell. Great stories, great reading. This book is certainly formatted and written with great talent and I can't wait to read more from Irion. Sincerely, Raymond Cardi

Divorce Hell---horror stories ,rituals and slavation

2009-07-11T11:01:00.000-07:00

Wow! what a great book to research--the rituals I found were amazing!
The horror stories--as told by the people they happened to are too real to believe--
The hardest part of writing this book has been the salvation chapter!